Light Hearted Campaign against self service checkouts

Time to object to self service supermarket checkouts

Booths have at last caught up with progress and installed automatic cash-outs. The only problem for male customers is the quiet, alluring, caressing and sexy voice that comes out of the machines. It got me all in a lather—I had to go back in just for a packet of mints, so as to hear it again. The only way to counter this menacing vixen with the posh voice is to mount a campaign for her to be substituted by a good old Yorkshire lass, preferably one over 80 years old.


Customer Voice from machine

Places basket down on platform. ....... “Ey oop luv! Are y’all riiiight?”

Misplaces first item ......................... “Put that in yer bag, yer daft wazzock!”

Registers bottle of wine and puts it in bag ........................................................ “‘Ang on luv, tek it out, tha’ll need permission for that.” 

Customer pauses after last item ........ “Gerron wi’ it then! Are yer payin’ or not?”

Customer presses cash payment pad .... “Nah then. Weer’s thi club card ? ..............

Customer fumbles for notes and change.... “Ey...Gerra move on then, can’t yer see the’s summdy else is waiting

Customer inserts money. “Thanks luv. Pick up yer stuff and doan’t forget thi change...

Customer removes full bag. “Ta-rrah luv. See ya!” 

KEH.