Comedy Break

Fri 21st July 2017 at 16.47 - 17.47

'You're having a Laugh'

You're having a laugh

Laugh with the Law

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS:     He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
______________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:     I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something
you forgot?
______________________________ _____________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his   sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
 
ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?
______________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:     Getting laid
______________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?
WITNESS:     Yes.
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:   None.
ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different   attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
______________
ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:     By death...
ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:     Take a guess.
______________________________ ______________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:    Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with   male.
______________________________ _______
 
ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________ ________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
on   dead people?
WITNESS:     All of them... The live ones put up too much of a
fight.
______________________________ ___________
 
ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you   go to?
WITNESS:     Oral...
______________________________ ___________
 
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ______________)

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:     No...
ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:     No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a   jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
and practicing law.

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